Wednesday, June 23, 2010

In Passing

Where to begin. It's been ages since I've written much... mostly because I haven't felt confident in language's ability to express truth. But alas, we must try. Now is the time.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the universal love energy, how it expresses itself in the world, and most prevalently, how it transfers between us living, impermanent, transient beings.

Love has its own path, its own self-organizing method. Love flows through us. It is greater and more powerful than us. That said, it is our responsibility to let it take its course. The best thing we can ever do is trust in it. When we resist love, and resist change, ultimately we suffer.

Love takes a myriad of forms. Sometimes it is clear and obvious, others it disguises itself in ways that hardly anyone can recognize. But at root, love abounds.

Love is what gives us life. In order to live, we must love ourselves, first and foremost, and we must also love our fellow beings, and feel their expressions of love too. Love must be shared, and it grows and multiplies with its transference.

I have always made a constant effort to show my love for all beings, living and inanimate. But given a recent event I fear I have failed in some regard in this. A dear friend has passed, one who once was very close to me but who I let drift away, because of a mistake that I couldn't bring myself to fully forgive him for. Now he is gone, and I can't help but feel that I could have helped him if I hadn't resisted the force of love. It saddens me deeply to see him gone, and to know that we will never see him again as Josh Marshall. I fear that he did not love himself, and that he didn't know how much he was loved. It is tragic, and the only solace is the knowledge that he is at peace now. His energy will be recycled, it will stay alive in us, the people whose lives he affected, and who affected him. It will change us in ways that we will never fully comprehend.

This is what I mean about energy transfer. If a troubled friend passes away, his energy must also pass on. We will have our memories of him, but most importantly, we have his true spirit living in us now. If we nurture it, the energy melds with ours, and we will never be the same. We must become better lovers, and thus better livers. We must be stronger, and we must be closer. It is the natural balance of the universe. This is what has been happening for billions of years, and will continue to happen for billions more. It is what makes the world what it is today.

I believe this is the best way we can define time: in passing. How does the world change, how does it gradually become closer to itself, more aware of its interconnectedness and interdependence on itself, despite matter's continuous spatial expansion? In the passing of what we call time. I often wonder what the final result is. At the beginning, all was identical, a pure infinite weight packed into a space smaller than a single atom. At the end, will we reach that again? Will the unifying force of love that everything is made of finally find itself again in ultimate, singular peace? If it did, it would be beautiful. But we won't know. Fortunately, not knowing is beautiful too. All we can do is trust in the force of love, let it continue to be us, shape us, drive, teach, and guide us to wherever we are heading.

What we must do is feel it, and express it as truly as possible. For me, this is best done with music. When we dance together, we feel love. It is the ultimate energy transfer. And I know that is what he would want us to do.